Self-indulgence.

In the prime of our youth, we often adopt an almost self-flagellating posture to create an illusion of ardent love, striving to occupy the moral high ground on the battlefield of romance. What we seek is a distorted sense of fulfillment and security, and this pursuit often leads us to a delusion - we believe that our actions are the most romantic and heroic expressions of love. Just like standing in the snow outside our lover's home, or braving the rain to deliver a cup of milk tea, these acts seem to us like the heroic feats of Jiao Feng battling at Shuyuan or Guan Yu's solitary ride of a thousand miles. However, in the eyes of the other half, this cup of milk tea is just a cup of milk tea, unable to bear the deep affection and passion we wish to convey.

In our youth, we are often eager to express our passionate love, but we unknowingly find ourselves caught up in a performance. As a result, there may be discrepancies in the memories of both parties: those moments that we believe are deeply etched in our minds may have left no impression on the other person. This divergence in memories is a reality that must be faced and accepted as part of the growth process. The true mark of maturity is the ability to exercise restraint: restraint of our own emotions, the urge to perform, and even our affection for someone.

In our youth, we often hope to merge the person we love into a part of ourselves, and even the slightest discomfort from the other party can touch our heartstrings, making us feel colder or sadder than the other person. This excessive emotional projection not only fails to help the true development of the relationship, but may even become a burden. This is because no one can bear the full emotional reliance and value expectations of another person. True love stems from the mutual attraction and shared interests between two independent and valuable individuals, rather than one-sided pursuit, dependence, or self-gratification.

We need to learn how to become independent and valuable individuals. In this process, we will understand that changing another person is futile, and the only thing we can do is to become a better version of ourselves. The essence of love is not about how many grand gestures you have done for your partner, but rather whether you can grow and progress together on the foundation of mutual respect and understanding.

So when we look back on the past, we can try to view those "heroic deeds" done for love from a different perspective. They are milestones in our growth, reminding us of how passionately we once loved. But at the same time, we need to realize that true love is more of a tranquil and profound force. It does not care about showy displays, but rather about mutual understanding and support of the soul. When we learn this kind of love, we will truly be able to stop self-consuming and love and be loved in a healthier, more mature way.