Self-moving?

In our youthful years, we often adopt an almost self-flagellating pose, creating an illusion of passionate love, trying to occupy the moral high ground on the battlefield of love. What we pursue is a distorted sense of fulfillment and security, and this pursuit often leads us to an illusion - we believe that our behavior is the most romantic and heroic expression in love. Just like standing under the lover's house on a snowy night, or braving the rain to bring a cup of milk tea, these actions appear to us to be as heroic as Guo Jing's great battle at Gathering Fragrance Villa or Guan Yu's single-handed ride for a thousand li. However, in the eyes of the other half, this cup of milk tea is nothing more than a cup of milk tea, and it cannot bear the deep feelings and passions that we want to convey.

During our teenage years, we are often eager to express our passion, but end up unknowingly getting caught up in a performance. As a result, there can be discrepancies in the memories of both parties: those moments that we believe are indelibly etched in our minds may barely register with the other person. This divergence in memory is a reality that we must confront and accept as part of the growth process. The true mark of maturity is the ability to exercise restraint - restraint of our emotions, restraint of the urge to perform, and even restraint of our affection for someone.

In our youth, we often hope to make the person we love a part of ourselves, and the slightest discomfort of the other can touch our heartstrings, making us feel colder or sadder than the other person. This excessive emotional projection not only does not help the real development of love, but may even become a burden. Because no one can bear the full emotional reliance and value expectations of another person. True love stems from the mutual attraction and shared interests between two independent and valuable individuals, rather than one-sided pursuit, dependence, or self-gratification.

We need to learn how to be independent and valuable individuals. In this process, we will understand that trying to change others is futile, and the only thing we can do is to become a better version of ourselves. The true essence of love is not in the grand gestures you do for your partner, but in whether you can grow and move forward together on the foundation of mutual respect and understanding.

So when we look back on the past, we might as well change our perspective and view those "feats" we once did for love. They are milestones on our growth path, reminding us of how sincerely we have loved before. But at the same time, we need to realize that true love is more of a calm and profound power. It does not care about the ostentatious and tumultuous, but rather the mutual understanding and support of the soul. When we learn this kind of love, we can truly stop consuming ourselves and love and be loved in a healthier and more mature way.