Conversation Skills

Many brothers have such troubles and don't know how to start a conversation with a girl. At first, the conversation goes well, but then the girl becomes very perfunctory, or even stops replying altogether. We see some scumbags and girls chatting enthusiastically, but we ourselves just can't seem to get the girl excited (unable to provide emotional value), leading to the conversation becoming more and more awkward, until the girl gives up on the chat or the guy is forced to retreat.

Appreciate

Here is the English translation: Appreciation is the lubricant of interpersonal relationships. Everyone hopes to receive recognition and approval from others, and women are no exception. When you give appropriate praise to a woman, her feelings towards you can easily be enhanced. However, praising also requires a certain method. Clumsy flattery will only backfire. The formula for brothers to use is: high EQ conversation = praising specific details + sincere expression. The key is to praise a specific detail, rather than praising the whole thing in general. For example, if a woman is wearing a new wool coat to work today, and a man named A says "You look so beautiful today," the woman may just say "Thank you." But if a man named B says "The coat you're wearing today really suits your temperament," the woman may say "Really? Thank you for the compliment." And if a man named C says "This coat you're wearing today fits your temperament so well, I've seen others wear similar styles but they can't pull it off like you can. If I take a photo and post it on my Moments, I bet everyone will be asking you where you got it," the woman may say "That's too much, this coat is from..." and then they will start chatting. Here, man A only gave a vague praise of the woman being beautiful, without specifying what made her look good (did not pique the woman's interest). Man B was specific about the coat, but his expression was still relatively general about the woman's temperament (although it piqued her interest, it was only a mild pique). But man C first said the coat suits the woman's temperament, affirming that it is the woman's own temperament that is good (praise). Then he further affirmed the woman's temperament by making comparisons and giving examples of the details, making the woman feel that she has truly been noticed, rather than just being flattered.

Praise the details and describe them in detail, the more detailed the better, it's easy to open a woman's mouth. However, you need to be careful not to praise insincerely. If it's not good-looking, you still have to praise it hard, which will make the other party feel that you are very hypocritical in flattering. The result will be counterproductive.

Empathy

Here is the English translation: Many brothers often like to analyze facts from an objective perspective and try to help women solve problems when communicating with them. This rational thinking of a straight man has no meaning for communicating with women. If the other party has large emotional fluctuations, the woman may feel that you are just talking without feeling it. The best communication method is to use empathy, which means being able to feel the other person's state of mind. In psychology, this concept is called empathy. So the specific way to empathize with you is to put yourself in the other person's shoes and feel their emotions, then speak for them or share your own similar experiences. Do not rationally help her analyze the facts. She may not actually need you to help solve the problem, but needs to gain emotional value from you to achieve a sense of empathy. The formula here is: High EQ chat = affirming emotions + sharing common experiences.

Here is the translation: The male student said that the boss's criticism was unreasonable, and they should look within themselves to understand the situation, so the boss won't criticize them again next time. From a rational perspective, the male student is indeed right. However, he didn't address the female student's need for a response when she was venting her frustrations. If you were just scolded by the boss, you would probably feel very unhappy if someone told you the boss must have had their reasons. Similarly, when the female student said she was so frustrated with the boss's unreasonable criticism, the male student said not all bosses are the same, and that he was also scolded by the boss during a meeting last week and felt like dying. The female student said she was so angry about it. The male student said he was able to turn his mood around in an hour, and the female student was curious to know how. The male student said there's a very good hot pot place nearby, and he had already made a reservation. He suggested they go eat together so he could share his method.

1. When a woman expresses unhappiness, you should not focus too much on the content of what she says, but rather pay attention to her current mood and emotions. 2. You should not try to analyze whether her behavior or emotions are right or wrong, but instead help her express her sadness and discomfort. 3. If you can do this, the woman will feel that you understand her and that you are someone she can open up to. 4. This kind of interaction will make both of you feel very comfortable, and she will trust and rely on you more. 5. However, you need to be careful not to over-empathize. If you become deeply immersed in the other person's feelings and unable to extricate yourself, it will lead to a situation where you both constantly complain. 6. The essence of a relationship is lightness and happiness, so if you want a woman to like you, you need to be able to guide her out of an emotional predicament, rather than sink into it with her.

Building Bridges Through Conversation

Many brothers feel that they don't have topics to discuss with girls, or they can't expand on the topics. They want to chat with girls but are always troubled by the inability to continue the conversation. If this is also your situation, then the bridge conversation method is your best choice. To use this method, you first need to extract a key word from the girl's words - this keyword is the bridge. With this bridge, you can seamlessly connect to the other person's topic by combining it with your own feelings, avoiding the embarrassment of constantly restarting the conversation. The formula is: High EQ conversation = keyword + your feelings.

Here is the English translation: For example, if a guy asks a girl "What are you doing?", and the girl says "I'm out shopping with my girlfriend", a typical straight guy would just say "Okay, have fun shopping". But this is actually a missed opportunity to further the conversation. We can use the bridge conversation technique instead. First, find the keywords - in this case, "shopping" and "girlfriend". You can say something like "Shopping without me, doesn't that feel like something's missing?" Then you can segue to the "girlfriend" keyword, like "I bet you two were gossiping about me, huh?" You can also add "My friends all say I have great taste, so if you're buying a new dress, I'd be happy to be your fashion consultant." Do you see how using the bridge conversation technique allows the topic to flow more naturally and be easily expanded upon?

Here are two points that need to be noted:

1. It is important to express your feelings, not just your thoughts. Expressing thoughts can lead to suggestions like "Call me next time you go shopping" or "Let's set a time for you and your friend to have dinner, my treat." This runs the risk of coming across as a sycophant. 2. If the girl's reply is just the two words "go shopping," you need to recognize her current state. If she is not interested in chatting or it is inconvenient for her to chat, you should not continue to disturb her.

Chat Forbidden Areas

Here is the English translation: First: The frequency of conversations is too high. Many brothers have a mistaken idea that they think they can pursue a girl just through willpower, so they will go talk to the girl every day. The result is either interrogation or small talk, with no actual topics. The opening lines are always "Are you there?" or "Have you eaten?". The closing lines are mostly polite, like "Go ahead." But the girl has no emotional response and feels indifferent. In her subconscious, she will not think you are attractive. Your excessive enthusiasm will not make the girl feel that you care about her, but will leave a bad impression on her instead. For a girl who has no feelings for you, she will only feel that you have ulterior motives and just like to flirt. She will put a label of being greasy and boring on you. For a girl who does have feelings for you, she may worry that you have nothing to do every day and are an unmotivated man, so she will gradually become indifferent and distant from you. Therefore, no matter how much you like a girl and how eager you are to be with her, you need to pay attention to the time and frequency of your conversations when you first meet her, so that you can avoid being seen as a sycophant by the girl, and also leave a confident and composed impression on her. Second: Cut to the chase. The biggest taboo when pursuing a girl is to be too impatient. Some brothers always eagerly expose their intentions to the girl when chatting, afraid that the girl doesn't know how much they like her. Once the girl shows disinterest or rejects you directly, they will feel insulted and will directly delete or block the girl, and some will even curse loudly, which is very embarrassing. You should know that nowadays, girls who have some qualifications are not short of pursuers. The number of times she has rejected men may be even more than the number of times you have tried to talk to a girl. Even if the girl has an initial interest in you, your anxious invitations and confessions will only make the girl lump you together with those sycophants. So if you want to stand out from the many pursuers, you need to show a different side of yourself. Don't expose your intentions too early when chatting. Use the method of slowly boiling a frog, letting the girl be gradually attracted to you and fall for you bit by bit. When you are not sure if the girl has feelings for you, never blindly invite or confess. Third: Frequent message deletions. When the message deletion function first came out, it really helped a lot of people. You could timely delete if you said something wrong or sent it to the wrong group to avoid social suicide. But some brothers have become overly dependent on this function. Whenever they say something they regret, they immediately delete it, feeling that the girl won't see it anyway. But this is just a typical case of covering one's ears to steal a bell. Not to mention the girl may have already seen it the moment you sent it, the frequent deletion behavior will easily leave a bad impression on the girl - you can't speak well and lack confidence. In interpersonal relationships, this is very likely to form a high-low position, with the woman high and the man low. Some girls may feel that you lack masculinity, and if you have no masculinity, how can they like you? So when chatting with a girl, you must be open and straightforward. Your cautious and careful attitude in front of the girl will only make her feel that you lack confidence. We'd rather let the girl think you can't chat well, than let her think you lack confidence, because chatting skills can be learned, but without confidence, you will basically be eliminated in the girl's heart. The last point: When the girl gives you a little positive response, you immediately regard yourself as her boyfriend. This is an absolute taboo that brothers should avoid the most. If you make this mistake when you've been rejected by the girl, it's the most regrettable, because generally you would have reached the ambiguous stage with the girl at this point. The girl has already been within your reach, but you actively pushed her away. Brothers should all know that after the girl shows interest in you, the most common behavior is that she will actively chat with you, actively ask you questions, and want to constantly explore you. She may even give you a lot of ambiguous opportunities, hoping that you will take the initiative to attack. So many brothers will fall into the girl's trap, and they really can't restrain themselves and start to regard themselves as the girl's boyfriend, losing their sense of boundaries, and always wanting to intervene in the girl's life, treating the girl as their own possession. This will cause the girl who has already entered the love fantasy to suddenly wake up, quickly breaking away from the ambiguous state with you, turning from emotional to rational. At this time, it will be very difficult for you to remedy the situation. What needs to be noted is that this "goddess trap" is not deliberately created by the girl, but exists naturally at this stage, so don't feel that just because the girl is ambiguous with you, she is setting a trap for you. Therefore, after the girl gives you a positive response, you must not be too eager and rush into it. You should maintain ambiguity with the girl and continuously deepen the degree of ambiguity. Then the girl will gradually fall for you, and you can even directly skip the high-risk step of confession.