Many brothers have this trouble - they don't know how to start a conversation with girls. At first it's going well, but then the girl becomes perfunctory, or even stops replying altogether. Some see bad guys and girls chatting animatedly, while they can't seem to get the girl engaged (can't provide emotional value), leading to an increasingly awkward conversation, until the girl abandons the chat or the guy gives up.
Appreciation
Appreciation is the lubricant of interpersonal relationships, and everyone hopes to gain the recognition and approval of others, women are no exception. So when you give appropriate praise to a woman, her good feelings towards you can easily be enhanced. However, praising also requires a certain method - simply praising superficially or awkwardly will only have the opposite effect. Here is a formula that brothers can use: High emotional intelligence chat = praise specific details + sincere expression. The key point is to praise a specific detail, rather than praising the whole of an object. For example, if a woman wears a new wool coat to work today: A man says "You look so beautiful today", and the woman says "Thank you." B man says "The coat you're wearing today looks great on your temperament", and the woman says "Really? Thank you for the compliment." C man says "This coat suits your temperament so well, I've seen others wear similar styles but they don't pull it off like you do. If I take a photo and post it on my Moments, I bet everyone will be asking you where you got it." The woman says "That's too much, this coat is from..." and then they start chatting. Here, A man only gave a vague praise of the woman's beauty, without specifying what makes her look good (did not arouse the woman's interest). B man spoke specifically about the coat, but his expression was still relatively general about the woman's temperament (although it aroused interest, it was only briefly). While C man first said the coat suits the woman's temperament, indicating it's the woman's own temperament that is good (praise). Then he further affirmed the details through comparison and example, making the woman feel that she has truly been noticed, rather than just being flattered.
Praise by focusing on the details and describe them as elaborately as possible. This can easily open up a woman's conversation. However, be careful not to praise insincerely. If something is clearly not good-looking, you shouldn't forcefully praise it, as this will make the other party feel that you are being hypocritical and just giving perfunctory compliments. The result will then be counterproductive.
Empathy
Here is the English translation: Many brothers often like to analyze facts from an objective perspective and try to help women solve problems when communicating with them. This rational thinking of straight men is meaningless for communicating with women. If the other party's emotions fluctuate greatly, the woman is likely to feel that you are just talking without any real understanding. The best way to communicate is to use empathy, which means being able to feel the other person's emotional state. In psychology, this concept is called empathy. So the specific approach to empathizing with you is to put yourself in the other person's shoes to feel their emotions, and then speak for them or share your own similar experiences. You must not rationally analyze the facts for her. She may not actually need your help to solve the problem, but rather needs to gain emotional value from you to achieve a sense of empathy. The formula here is: High EQ chat = acknowledging emotions + sharing common experiences.
The male said, "The boss criticized me for no reason. It's not that all bosses are the same. Last week, I was also scolded by the boss during a meeting. I felt like dying at the time. The female said, 'I'm really so angry about this.' The male said, 'At the time, I was almost angry to death too. But it only took me an hour to turn my mood around 180 degrees.' The female was very curious and asked how he did it. The male said, 'There's a very good hotpot place down the street from your place. I've already booked a table. Let's go now, and I'll tell you how I turned my mood around while we eat.'"
翻译如下: 首先要了解女生的心情,而不是过多关注她所说的内容是否正确。当女生表达不开心时,应该帮助她把难过和不快表达出来,而不是评判她的情绪是否对错。这样做可以让女生感受到你的理解,建立起心灵相通的联系。 但同时也要注意不要过度共情,陷入对方的感受无法自拔。过度共情可能会导致双方一起不断抱怨,陷入负面循环。恋爱应该是轻松愉快的,因此要学会带领女生走出情绪困境,而不是跟着她一起沉沦。 总之,关注女生的内心感受,给予理解和支持,但要保持适当的距离,用积极正面的方式互动,这样会让双方都感到舒适和信任。
Building a Bridge through Conversation
Many brothers feel that they have no topics to discuss with girls, or that they cannot extend the conversation. If you are also in this situation, then the bridge conversation is your best choice. Using this method, first you need to extract a key word from the girl's words, and this key word is the bridge. With this bridge, you can seamlessly connect with the other person's topic and avoid the embarrassing situation of constantly restarting the conversation. The formula is: high EQ conversation = key word + your feelings.
Here is the English translation: For example, if a guy says, "What are you up to?", and the girl says, "I'm out shopping with my best friend", a typical straight guy would just say "Okay, have fun shopping." In fact, this is a missed opportunity to continue the conversation. We can use the bridging technique to chat further. First, find the key words - "best friend" and "shopping". Start by bridging with the "shopping" keyword, saying something like "Shopping without me, don't you feel like something's missing?" Then bridge with the "best friend" keyword, saying "You two must have been gossiping about me. By the way, all my friends say I have great taste, so if you're buying a little dress, I'd be happy to be your chief fashion critic." See how the conversation can be easily extended by using the bridging technique? The topic flows naturally.
Here are two points to note:
1. It is important to express your feelings, not just your thoughts. Expressing your thoughts may come across as something like "Next time you go shopping, you can call me to join you" or "Let's find a time for me to take you and your friend out for a meal." Doing this has a high chance of turning you into a "licking dog" (a derogatory term for a clingy male admirer). 2. If the girl's reply is just the two words "go shopping," you need to recognize her current state. If she is not in the mood to chat or it is inconvenient for her to chat, you should not continue to disturb her.
Chat Forbidden Zone
Here is the English translation of the text: First: The frequency of chatting is too high. Many brothers have a mistaken idea that through sheer willpower, they can win over a woman. So they chat with the woman every day, either interrogating her or making small talk, without any real topic. Their opening lines are always "Are you there?" or "Have you eaten?" and their parting words are usually pleasant, as they leave, hoping the woman will chat with them. But the woman shows no emotional response, as if chewing wax. Subconsciously, she will not find you attractive. Your overly enthusiastic behavior will not make the woman feel that you truly care about her, but will instead leave a bad impression. Women who don't like you will think you have ulterior motives and just like to flirt, tagging you as greasy and boring. Women who do like you will worry that you are idle every day and an unmotivated man, and will gradually become indifferent and distance themselves from you. So when you just met a woman, no matter how much you like her and want to be with her, you need to pay attention to the time and frequency of your chatting, so as to avoid being seen as a "simp" and leave a confident and at-ease impression on the woman. Second: Getting to the point. The biggest taboo in pursuing a woman is being too impatient. Some brothers, when chatting with a woman, are eager to expose their intentions, afraid the woman doesn't know how much they like her. Once the woman shows disinterest or directly rejects them, they feel insulted and may even delete and block the woman, or even curse her, which is very embarrassing. You should know that nowadays, women with a little condition around them are not lacking in suitors. The number of times a woman rejects men may even be more than the number of times you chat with women. Even if the woman initially had some interest in you, your anxious invitations and confessions will only make the woman put you in the same category as those "simps". So if you want to stand out from the many suitors, you need to present yourself differently. Don't expose your intentions too early in the conversation. Use a slow and steady approach to gradually attract the woman and make her fall for you. Without being sure the woman has feelings for you, you must not blindly invite or confess. Third: Frequent message withdrawal. When the message withdrawal function first came out, it really helped a lot of people avoid social embarrassment when they said something wrong or sent something to the wrong group. But some brothers have become overly dependent on this function. Whenever they say something they regret, they immediately withdraw it, thinking the woman won't see it anyway. But this is a typical case of "covering one's ears to steal a bell". Not to mention the woman may have already seen it the moment you sent it, the frequent withdrawal behavior will easily leave a bad impression on the woman - you can't speak well and lack self-confidence. In heterosexual relationships, this can easily lead to a high-low position, with the woman feeling superior. Some women may even think you lack masculinity, and how can they like you if you have no masculinity? So when chatting with a woman, you must be open and straightforward. Your cautious and careful attitude in front of the woman will only make her feel you lack self-confidence. It's better to let the woman think you just can't chat well, than to let her think you lack self-confidence, because chatting skills can be learned, but lack of self-confidence means you've already been eliminated in the woman's mind. The last point: When the woman gives you a bit of a good response, you take on the role of her boyfriend. This is a forbidden area that brothers should avoid the most. If you make this mistake after being rejected by the woman, it is the most regrettable, because generally by this stage you have already reached the stage of ambiguity with the woman. The woman has clearly shown interest in you, but you actively push her away. Brothers should know that the most common behavior of a woman who has feelings for you is to actively chat with you, actively ask you questions, wanting to constantly explore you, and even give you many ambiguous opportunities, hoping you will take the initiative to attack. Many brothers will then fall into the woman's trap, truly unable to control themselves, and start to act as the woman's boyfriend, losing their sense of boundaries, always wanting to interfere in the woman's life, treating the woman as their possession. This will suddenly wake up the woman who has entered a romantic fantasy, quickly distancing herself from the ambiguous state and shifting from emotion to reason. By this time, it will be very difficult for you to make amends. It should be noted that this "goddess trap" is not deliberately set up by the woman, but is naturally existing at this stage, so don't feel that as long as the woman is ambiguous with you, she is setting a trap for you. Therefore, after the woman gives you a good response, you must not be overly eager and go all in at once, but should maintain an ambiguous relationship with the woman, constantly deepening the degree of ambiguity. Then the woman will slowly fall for you, and you may even be able to skip the high-risk step of confessing.
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